The Ballad of Big Balls
Not yet released on an album.
Lyrics
When I heard the NRA was writing big ass checks,
I went right down to the office and I sent me next.
They said, “Go eat to the school.” Spread the good news.
I said, “I need a bulletproof vest and some good running shoes.”
They said, “We got those.” I said, “Cool.
Where at?” They said, “They’re next to the spoons making everyone fat.”
I was rolling my eyes like a rolling stone
When Uncle Huckabee called me on the telephone.
He said, “I’m raising up money for people in need.”
I said, “Of course, Uncle Huck, that strip is starving indeed.”
He said, “The Lord’s at work here, boy. The job ain’t done.
Son, you need Jesus, and Jesus needs guns.
It makes no sense.
One man’s terror is another man’s defense.
When the holy golden toad spat him out of his mouth,
The technob billionaire goblin was about ko out,
But he left behind big balls like some vestage of tail.
Well, them balls went to town and got beat all to hell.
Some days the doging is easy. Some days the doging is hard.
When the doging don’t work, he’d better call in the guard.
The Citrus Caesar and the Thielian Pprince were
Throwing it all at the wall just to see what would stick.
Even I got distracted. That weather was bad.
That was the iciest summer that I’ve ever had.
Some days I forget that Cracker Barrels exist.
But there ain’t no one forgetting about that list.
It makes no sense.
One man’s crimes, another man’s intelligence.
Then Thomas of Austin cried out to the Lord.
He said, “Them frogs might be gay,
But I’ll still be your sword.”
While television anchors talked at the air.
Does a lie make a noise that there ain’t nobody there?
There ain’t no country for cable said the wisest of men.
Baby crank up the Tucker while I pack me a zyn
It was getting kind of late so I went back to the morgue.
They were doing the autopsy of July 4th.
I said, “Hold the scalpel, boys. She ain’t dead yet.
I got a parlay on China we can still win the bet.
The technician was drunk on musketine wine.
He said, “I’m going to Mars.” I said, “Good riddance. Goodbye.”
It makes no sense.
You can leave if you want, but all your problems go with.
I went right down to the office and I sent me next.
They said, “Go eat to the school.” Spread the good news.
I said, “I need a bulletproof vest and some good running shoes.”
They said, “We got those.” I said, “Cool.
Where at?” They said, “They’re next to the spoons making everyone fat.”
I was rolling my eyes like a rolling stone
When Uncle Huckabee called me on the telephone.
He said, “I’m raising up money for people in need.”
I said, “Of course, Uncle Huck, that strip is starving indeed.”
He said, “The Lord’s at work here, boy. The job ain’t done.
Son, you need Jesus, and Jesus needs guns.
It makes no sense.
One man’s terror is another man’s defense.
When the holy golden toad spat him out of his mouth,
The technob billionaire goblin was about ko out,
But he left behind big balls like some vestage of tail.
Well, them balls went to town and got beat all to hell.
Some days the doging is easy. Some days the doging is hard.
When the doging don’t work, he’d better call in the guard.
The Citrus Caesar and the Thielian Pprince were
Throwing it all at the wall just to see what would stick.
Even I got distracted. That weather was bad.
That was the iciest summer that I’ve ever had.
Some days I forget that Cracker Barrels exist.
But there ain’t no one forgetting about that list.
It makes no sense.
One man’s crimes, another man’s intelligence.
Then Thomas of Austin cried out to the Lord.
He said, “Them frogs might be gay,
But I’ll still be your sword.”
While television anchors talked at the air.
Does a lie make a noise that there ain’t nobody there?
There ain’t no country for cable said the wisest of men.
Baby crank up the Tucker while I pack me a zyn
It was getting kind of late so I went back to the morgue.
They were doing the autopsy of July 4th.
I said, “Hold the scalpel, boys. She ain’t dead yet.
I got a parlay on China we can still win the bet.
The technician was drunk on musketine wine.
He said, “I’m going to Mars.” I said, “Good riddance. Goodbye.”
It makes no sense.
You can leave if you want, but all your problems go with.
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