Dumber

Just the other day
I was pumpin gasoline
when I was ready to go
I ripped the whole damn hose
outa that pump machine

later when the cop pulled me over
halfway across the state
he asked why I was speeding
and where I needed to be
I said nowhere, and I'm running late

I hope this feeling lasts winter
I hope it lasts on into the summer
it can storm and it can rain
it can lightning and it can thunder
I aint ever felt better
and I aint ever been dumber

later I was feeling hungry
so I went down to the nail salon
they gotta little chubby statue
he's always got fruit
I took an apple and I was gone

them ladies are always so upset
it must be hard workin on toes
I keep mine clean
and the webs in between
help me float down the river ya know

somedays life's jus a big ole toilet
and I'm a lucky plumber
it may be hot as the dickens outside
but I'm cooler than a big cucumber
I ain't ever felt better
and I ain't ever been dumber

later I was feeling lonely
but I didn't really wanna talk
so I went down to the morgue
and laid down on a board
cause nobody wanted to walk

in the morning I went to church
they handed me a plate of cash
I took a buck or two
they kicked me outa the pew
even Jesus wants to kick my ass

if indeed its a dream I'm in
don't wake me from my slumber
and if ya ever wanna feel a little better
feel like life is 'a less of a bummer
it's in your best interest
I suggest you get dumber